Toast and Eskimos
by Holli-chan
Summary: Soemtimes, Jace is just useless. Luckily, he has Clary there with him to save the day. JxC Oneshot, completely random and stupid, slight perviness, my part of a fanfic-trade with AquaWasHere.


"So how do you think this is going to work…?"

Clary sighed, looking up at Jace with an irritated look on her face. "What the hell do you mean, how is this going to work? Just… put it in!" she growled angrily.

Jace frowned, shaking his head. "So impatient," he muttered, shifting his position awkwardly. Clary frowned.

"Jace, come on. This is sort of important to know how to do," Clary said slowly, then froze, blinking uncertainly. "You really _don't _know how to do this? Like at all?"

The blonde glared awkwardly, blushing. "Well, yeah, so what? I'm not experienced in this sort of stuff."

"Tch. Jace," she reprimanded, shaking her head. "It's not like it's difficult."

"Is too," the shadow hunter scoffed, despite knowing he was being ridiculous.

"Jace," Clary sighed, shaking her head, her red curls bobbing around her face in unison. "It's just _toast. _It's not that hard to figure out."

Jace scowled, shoving the offending piece of bread into the toaster in front of him and glaring at the device. "I tried that, and I shoved the little lever down, but it won't work!" he cried, shoving the lever downwards. The bread shifted inside of the toaster as if was suppose to, but to no apparent significance. Groaning in frustration Jace spun around, collapsing headfirst onto the couch beside Clary.

The redhead sighed, shaking her head in distain as she tossed her magazine to the side, getting to her feet. "Jace, you are officially useless," she told him irately, wandering over to the counter.

"I'm not useless, I have several uses," Jace argued into a pillow, obviously faking his offended-ness. Clary scoffed, rolling her eyes and shifting the toaster to the side, peering at it and easily finding the problem, though she didn't say anything on the topic.

"Like what?" Clary challenged teasingly, tossing her hair over her shoulder to smirk at the shadow hunter behind her.

Jace wasn't looking at her, though, his face still in the pillow, his argument muffled by coushin. "I can kill demons," he offered. "And order take out."

"Whatever, I can do that too," Clary reminded him blankly, in a tone that asked 'is that the best you've got?'. Apparently, it wasn't.

Jace rolled over in his seat, revealing an impish grin imprinted on his face. Clary blinked, catching the obvious mischief in his golden eyes. Smirking, Jace pulled himself to his feet, strolling casually over to the redhead; Clary stared, willing herself not to pull away instinctively as the blonde came face to face with her, bending down so that their eyes were aligned, dark green on glowing amber-gold. Unwittingly, Clary blinked first. "What?" she asked. She had meant to seem irritated and unaffected in her words, but her voice came out high-pitched and unnerved.

Jace's serious expression broke at that moment, however, giving in to the wide grin splitting his face. Clary squeaked in surprise as the blonde leaned forward, nuzzling his nose to her's with a goofy grin on his face. "I give the best Eskimo kisses around," he laughed, eyes dancing with amusement.

The redhead's eyes widened, a blush coming across her cheeks, but she didn't pull away, instead squeezing her eyes shut and returning the nose-nuzzle. "Indeed you do," she giggled, only then taking a step back, a grin on her face. When she opened her eyes, she saw that her giddy expression matched Jace's to a T. She laughed. "But you know what beat's Eskimo kisses?"

He paused, tapping his chin as if actually thinking about it before grinning at her. "Sex?" he offered faux-innocently.

Clary frowned, glaring at him, trying in vain to halt the blush flying across her cheeks. "Well I was _going _to say toast," she told him, shaking her head in disapproval.

Jace laughed, looking easily over he r head and at the toaster, which had now released two pieces of fresh toast. "How did you get it to work?" he asked in disbelief. Clary only laughed.

"You left it unplugged," she explained, highly amused. Spinning on her heels, she caught a glance at Jace's baffled expression as she strolled over to the toaster, depositing both pieces of now crisp bread onto a paper plate.

"Are you…. _serious!_" Jace cried, face palming with a groan. "Dammit!"

Clary laughed, rolling her eyes as she placed the plate on the table, propping her hands on her hips. "Do you want the toast or don't you?" she asked accusingly, pointing to the wheat substance with distain.

The shadow hunter grinned, slipping into his chair at the table. "Yeah, I do," he replied warmly, eyes glimmering. "Toast… and then sex?" Clary frowned. Jace batted his eyelashes innocently at the reaction, trying desperately to keep a straight face. "Pretty please? I'll give you more Eskimo kisses!"

Clary laughed despite herself, shaking her head with a satisfied grin. "Fine, fine, deal. Now eat your toast," she agreed reluctantly, flopping onto her own chair.

Never in her life had she seen someone eat toast as fast as Jace did that morning.

_**A/N: Hoo-rah for perverted hetro! 8'D AquaWasHere forced me to do this, if you were wondering. So blame her for this randomness. XD It felt so weird, I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn't writing as Mello. I was like 'and he walked… err no shit… and SHE walked…' XD it was so confusing. Oh well. Enjoy this if you can, despite it's extreme random/lame-ness! 8D**_


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